Miss Peyton from birth till now

6 week comparison

My kiddos

Just some pictures of my awesome littles. Love these two with all my heart!!!

Weight Loss...again...

So here I am again...at my rock bottom. Peyton was 6 weeks old and my blood pressure still wasn't going down. I'm 30 years old and at risk for having to be on blood pressure medication. That's it. I'm done!  I resolved to eat better and start walking. I've been doing really well lately. Tracking all my food with myfitnesspal, walking/running with the couch 2 5k again. I'm down a few pounds already and it feels good. I'm actually wanting to get out and walk. I've been taking the kids a lot of times so that adds resistance. But it's also nice to get out on my own and do a bit of running. 

Since I've been tracking I've been pre-planning what I want to eat so I don't go over. My husband wants to go to the cheese cake factory soon so I've been looking up what I should eat. I also found the foods I normally would eat there. 

I'd get a raspberry lemonade (200 calories) and often have two. 

Burger and fries (around 1200 calories) and the most favorite cheesecake!! (1200 calories as well!!!) 

eeeeekkkk! That's over a days worth for one meal. No wonder I'm fat. Well now I'm going to make some better choices. 

I can't stop going out or eating what I like, but I can make better choices. So that's what I'm going to be. I will make better choices and this time I will be successful. My health depends on it!

Two Months of Peyton

Meet Peyton Jane

It's been a WHILE since i've posted and I have news!! Welcome....Peyton Jane Walker! She was born on March 25, 2013 weighing 8lbs 6oz and 20 inches.  I'll write her birth story and some more information later but for now, here's her first 4 weeks pictures!

LIFE IS CRAZY!

Hi, Well I haven't written in a while...a long while...opps! But life is busy when ya got a running toddler, a husband and a job.  But oh well, here I am... and I'm about to let you know how real life is.

Life is really real right now.  Maybe you could have gathered from reading my posts, that sometimes, they're a bit of a "downer".  Well I have a real reason for that now.  In May I got let go from teaching job at the Preschool due to lack of students.  After that, and the loss of income it involved, I really hit my rock bottom.  I was just low.  So I sucked it up and went to the doctor.  I needed help with my depression.  I honestly think I've been suffering from depression for most of my life.  At least since high school.  I have a huge chemical deficit in my body and it just makes me sad, angry, easily upset, stressed out.  I just didn't like this "me" anymore.  The doctor diagnosed me with "dysthymia".  It is essentially where a person is always in a "low state" and has periods of "extra" depression.  It's a long term illness and can go unnoticed or untreated for years as the person thinks that it must just be life as normal.

Well I was tired of my "normal".  I needed help.  So my doctor put me on an anti-depressant.  All I can say is...whoa! That sure was wonderful!  I felt so much better.  I didn't know that someone didn't have to feel crappy all the time.  I was happy, I wasn't angry all the time, I was able to deal with upsets that came my way easily.  My husband noticed a HUGE difference, my counsellor called me a new woman.  I totally was.  I say was because, I had to stop taking the medication. Due to my feeling better, I was more, ahem, active in our marriage.  Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.  So low and behold when you do that more, something usually happens...and it did... WE'RE PREGNANT WITH OUR SECOND CHILD! Now I'm EXTREMELY happy with this pregnancy.  No, it's not the best timing, but when in life is anything ever going to come just right?  So due to the fact that a lil human is growing in me, my doc and I thought it best if I stopped my anti-depressants.  I wasn't too happy about this, because well...life has gone back to....before :(

I feel upset, sad, angry, lifeless again.  I hate it.  I love my pregnancy and future baby but being depressed while pregnant can cause issues as well.  So I"m going to do some major research.  Research about pregnancy and anti-depressants use.  I will do what's best for myself, my baby and my family.  I know some people won't agree with decisions I make, but oh well, it's my life and I need to make those decisions for us.

So anyway, that's what I've been up to.  I will try and keep this updated with my struggles because writing totally helps me work thru things and make sense of it all. 

Learning

Well, recently life has not been good. Things have been down-right bad. I got laid off from full-time teaching position due to lack of students/enrollment. I'm not sure where to go after this. I am a certified teacher but teaching positions in this area are quite hard to come by.

I'm learning to live with uncertainty. I'm learning to live with my current life and it's tough. Big decisions have come about and I've had to make some tough calls for myself. I'm learning that my expectations don't always match with God's plans for my life. It's tough to accept that, and I'm learning...

I'm not quite sure where this post is going....but I needed to vent! Thanks for listening :)

The Many Faces of Zachary

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas...

Jordan and I ventured to the mall on the weekend and saw the Big Jolly Man and thought...oh I need to get Zach's picture taken!! I want to record the firsts and I love being able to take my son to see the fun characters :)

Eight Months

Oh My Goodness!!! I can't believe how fast time is flying by!!! My little tiny baby is 8 months old!! It is just crazy! I know everyone says it goes by so fast and it's true. I have loved every single minute of being Zach's Mom. It's been an incredible journey so far! I can't wait to see him continue to grow, learn and change! But please baby boy...not too fast!! :)













* I had an opportunity while we were up north again to have Shannon Vine Photography photograph Zach for a mini-session....it was so worth it! I love her photos and can't wait to use her again!! :)

Happy Halloween!!

Happy Halloween from our family to yours!!! And we ain't LION :) teehee :)

Trust

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law have started a new blog called "Life With You". It's a marriage blog aimed to help newer couples in any issues/questions they could have. Help encourage communication, face problems and have a better, Godly marriage. It's quite interesting so far, even though they just started it! :) But I think it's a good read and I know I need to help improve myself in order to make my marriage better.

Their post about Trust is really resonating with me. I don't trust Jordan right now. It's hard. We have special difficulties and it makes it very hard to trust him. I know I need to, I must learn to trust him, but it's especially hard.

I am hoping that by losing weight I will be a happier person because I won't be so angry with myself all the time and in turn that will make me a happier wife, mom, etc... I will keep their post in my mind each day and will probably read it multiple times!!!

So if you are looking for some encouragement in your marriage, head on over to "Life With You" and read, comment, converse!!! :)

DONE, DONE, DONE

THAT'S IT!!!!! I'm done being half-assed (sorry for crude word, couldn't think of anything else...). I'm done doing things partly, only trying some of the time. I"M DONE!! I'm so mad at myself for not having the will power, stick-to-it-iveness.... I"M DONE!! I'm done letting sweets have control over me in such a major way! I NEED to lose this weight...not want, NEED. I've GOTTA do this! I HAVE TOO!!!!!!

I have been tracking with weight watchers and "trying" for 6 weeks now and only lost 5lbs. I keep going up and down, up and down and I'm done with that. I keep complaining that my jeans don't fit, but who's fault is that?!?!? If I'm not willing to do something about it, I'm not allowed to complain!! So I'm going to try and keep up with my weekly posts here to put it out there as well in a group I'm in on facebook. So here are my goals for this week:

GOALS:
- Drink 4 water bottles a day
- Eat more fruits and veggies!!!
- RESIST!!!! I WILL have will power. I WILL have will power...
- PRAY specifically for people in the group for specific goals - if you need a specific prayer from here leave me a comment.

please, please, please pray for me. I know power of prayer works. I am going to make it a priority to make time for prayer as well. I think having God in my corner to do this will make it better.

Sleep Training

I have had enough. I have had enough of waking up 13, 000 times a night to a baby that needs to be rocked, fed or cuddled. NOW don't get me wrong...I LOVE rocking, feeding and cuddling with him...but when I get ZERO sleep because of it, it becomes a bit tedious. I LOVE Zach, I love him more than anything. I want to watch him grow, play, love, become a Godly man. But, I also want him to sleep through the night!

So, Monday evening I decided we're going to start sleep training. Monday night was a little rough, he took an hour to go to sleep, was up quite often and needed a lot of our pick up/put down (PU/PD) method. It was a long night and I didn't get much sleep. I can tell you specific details if you want to know, since I am tracking to see if there is any pattern in his wake up times. But we did it. He stayed in his crib till 7:30am the next morning.

Nap time on Tuesday went OK. He slept well in the AM nap for about 45 minutes and went down easy-schmesy. Afternoon nap wasn't so successful. Took a while to get him down and then he only slept for 20 minutes. But since we are following the baby whisperers advice and trying to keep him on a 4 hour eat/sleep plan, it was time for him to eat. So only a 20 minute nap did he have. Jordan and I had an errand to run so we left him with a sitter. Came home, he wasn't the happiest baby, but he wasn't doing too badly. He was happy to see me. We had a good play, he was able to wind down and i put him down for a third cat nap. He slept for another 40 or so minutes.

I was worried about bedtime on Tuesday that it would take a long time, I would have a very upset baby and I would feel my tension start to rise and worried I may just relapse and go back to what works....BUT....he did fantastic!!!!!! He was asleep at night in 5 minutes with just one PU/PD. Almost every time he woke in the night, his soother and a pat on the bum were sufficient. YAY!!!! He woke at 4am for a feed, was back to sleep 1/2 hour later. Had to do 20 minutes of PU/PD at 6am, but then he slept till 8am!!! He then came into our bed for a little snuggle and to let him know we are still there, love him and want to snuggle him. I made sure he didn't fall asleep again so as not to associate coming to bed with me as sleep time anymore.

I know many people who advocate for co-sleeping, not sleep training and letting the child lead. But it just doesn't work for me. I can't/don't sleep well with others in my bed, especially snuggled right up next to me. I need sleep. I need sleep to be a good mom, because otherwise I'm touchy, angry, frustrated easily and it's not a good environment. This new sleep schedule will work for our family.

Nap time today is going OK so far. Jordan tried to put him to sleep, but Zach got way to upset. I know you're not supposed to take over, but I just can't give over my control like that and listen to Zach cry when I know I can stop it. I know, I know, it's not what I should be doing, but I'm working on small baby steps!!

So now, I am praying that sleep just gets better and better. I know we will have minor setbacks and I am prepared for them. I am preparing myself to not give up, continue with our efforts and I know we will be rewarded.

I can do this! Zach can do this! We can be a healthy, loving, SLEEP-FILLED family!!!!

Weeks 25 - 28

My lil guy is growing up sooooo fast! I can't believe that he is over 6 months already!! He's sitting up on his own, eating solid food, rolling over like crazy and laughing up a storm! I love him so very much and love seeing him grow up!

Setbacks

Well today was not a good day food wise. I don't know what came over me, but I just did not think today while eating. I kept putting things in my mouth than 5 minutes later wondering what happened. Why did I do that? Why didn't I stop myself? I ate too much. BUT I did something I never do....I didn't just continue to eat crap, I didn't just stop caring and give up, I stopped, I reevaluated and I decided to make a change at the next meal. So for supper I had a slimfast, oranges and a cottage cheese. I changed my pace before I spiraled out of control. I caught myself. I never catch myself and start over.

I know this time will be different. I know I will have setbacks or days where I don't think about what I'm eating, but instead of giving up and just throwing in the towel and eating more crap, I will start over. I will accomplish my goals!

Just thank goodness weigh in isn't till Thursday!!! :)

Week 3

Well Week 3 is officially done and I am proud to say that I have now lost 10.6 pounds since I started Weight Watchers!!!! WOOHOO!!!!! I think I am actually going to be able to stick with this. I have not wanted to "cheat" very many times and when I just can't resist I eat a little snack and then I document it honestly. I have managed to stay inside my point value...in fact I find it hard to get all my points in some days. I am truly loving the weight watchers program!! It is so easy to follow, easy to use (as there is an app on my phone!) and I'm finally being honest with it!!!!

I was hoping to get at least 3-4 walks in this upcoming week as well, but I have come down with a nasty cold making it really hard to breath when I get my breath going....so until this darn cold goes away looks like I'm benched!! But I figure as long as I keep my food going well I should still be to lose weight!

So here's hoping week 4 is as successful as the past 3!! :)

Here is the collages for weeks 21 - 24...basically up to 6 months. I think I labeled stuff wrong but I wasn't quite sure how to label the pictures! Technically this isn't his 6 month shot, so is it month 5? Oh well, I guess I may have to re-do all of them! But anyways, here it is!

Papa

August has NOT been a good month for me. August has been terrible. On August 1st I lost my father. It is the most tragic thing that has happened to me so far in this life. My family is crushed, my mother is without her Love, I'm without my dear Papa and my brother is without his Dad. I will one day write the details, but I just can't yet.

We miss him so much and I still find myself tearing up daily thinking about my precious Daddy.

One thing I am thankful for....he got to meet his Grandson, Zachary. He was soooooo proud of that little boy, he loved him so very much! I now know why God allowed me to get pregnant when I did.

Well my brain isn't working so well tonight and I think I need to go to bed. I know this was an odd post and I will post more about my Dad, but this is all I can handle tonight.

Here is the picture that we had at his funeral. Still makes me cry...miss you so much Papa.