It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas...

Jordan and I ventured to the mall on the weekend and saw the Big Jolly Man and thought...oh I need to get Zach's picture taken!! I want to record the firsts and I love being able to take my son to see the fun characters :)

Eight Months

Oh My Goodness!!! I can't believe how fast time is flying by!!! My little tiny baby is 8 months old!! It is just crazy! I know everyone says it goes by so fast and it's true. I have loved every single minute of being Zach's Mom. It's been an incredible journey so far! I can't wait to see him continue to grow, learn and change! But please baby boy...not too fast!! :)













* I had an opportunity while we were up north again to have Shannon Vine Photography photograph Zach for a mini-session....it was so worth it! I love her photos and can't wait to use her again!! :)

Happy Halloween!!

Happy Halloween from our family to yours!!! And we ain't LION :) teehee :)

Trust

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law have started a new blog called "Life With You". It's a marriage blog aimed to help newer couples in any issues/questions they could have. Help encourage communication, face problems and have a better, Godly marriage. It's quite interesting so far, even though they just started it! :) But I think it's a good read and I know I need to help improve myself in order to make my marriage better.

Their post about Trust is really resonating with me. I don't trust Jordan right now. It's hard. We have special difficulties and it makes it very hard to trust him. I know I need to, I must learn to trust him, but it's especially hard.

I am hoping that by losing weight I will be a happier person because I won't be so angry with myself all the time and in turn that will make me a happier wife, mom, etc... I will keep their post in my mind each day and will probably read it multiple times!!!

So if you are looking for some encouragement in your marriage, head on over to "Life With You" and read, comment, converse!!! :)

DONE, DONE, DONE

THAT'S IT!!!!! I'm done being half-assed (sorry for crude word, couldn't think of anything else...). I'm done doing things partly, only trying some of the time. I"M DONE!! I'm so mad at myself for not having the will power, stick-to-it-iveness.... I"M DONE!! I'm done letting sweets have control over me in such a major way! I NEED to lose this weight...not want, NEED. I've GOTTA do this! I HAVE TOO!!!!!!

I have been tracking with weight watchers and "trying" for 6 weeks now and only lost 5lbs. I keep going up and down, up and down and I'm done with that. I keep complaining that my jeans don't fit, but who's fault is that?!?!? If I'm not willing to do something about it, I'm not allowed to complain!! So I'm going to try and keep up with my weekly posts here to put it out there as well in a group I'm in on facebook. So here are my goals for this week:

GOALS:
- Drink 4 water bottles a day
- Eat more fruits and veggies!!!
- RESIST!!!! I WILL have will power. I WILL have will power...
- PRAY specifically for people in the group for specific goals - if you need a specific prayer from here leave me a comment.

please, please, please pray for me. I know power of prayer works. I am going to make it a priority to make time for prayer as well. I think having God in my corner to do this will make it better.

Sleep Training

I have had enough. I have had enough of waking up 13, 000 times a night to a baby that needs to be rocked, fed or cuddled. NOW don't get me wrong...I LOVE rocking, feeding and cuddling with him...but when I get ZERO sleep because of it, it becomes a bit tedious. I LOVE Zach, I love him more than anything. I want to watch him grow, play, love, become a Godly man. But, I also want him to sleep through the night!

So, Monday evening I decided we're going to start sleep training. Monday night was a little rough, he took an hour to go to sleep, was up quite often and needed a lot of our pick up/put down (PU/PD) method. It was a long night and I didn't get much sleep. I can tell you specific details if you want to know, since I am tracking to see if there is any pattern in his wake up times. But we did it. He stayed in his crib till 7:30am the next morning.

Nap time on Tuesday went OK. He slept well in the AM nap for about 45 minutes and went down easy-schmesy. Afternoon nap wasn't so successful. Took a while to get him down and then he only slept for 20 minutes. But since we are following the baby whisperers advice and trying to keep him on a 4 hour eat/sleep plan, it was time for him to eat. So only a 20 minute nap did he have. Jordan and I had an errand to run so we left him with a sitter. Came home, he wasn't the happiest baby, but he wasn't doing too badly. He was happy to see me. We had a good play, he was able to wind down and i put him down for a third cat nap. He slept for another 40 or so minutes.

I was worried about bedtime on Tuesday that it would take a long time, I would have a very upset baby and I would feel my tension start to rise and worried I may just relapse and go back to what works....BUT....he did fantastic!!!!!! He was asleep at night in 5 minutes with just one PU/PD. Almost every time he woke in the night, his soother and a pat on the bum were sufficient. YAY!!!! He woke at 4am for a feed, was back to sleep 1/2 hour later. Had to do 20 minutes of PU/PD at 6am, but then he slept till 8am!!! He then came into our bed for a little snuggle and to let him know we are still there, love him and want to snuggle him. I made sure he didn't fall asleep again so as not to associate coming to bed with me as sleep time anymore.

I know many people who advocate for co-sleeping, not sleep training and letting the child lead. But it just doesn't work for me. I can't/don't sleep well with others in my bed, especially snuggled right up next to me. I need sleep. I need sleep to be a good mom, because otherwise I'm touchy, angry, frustrated easily and it's not a good environment. This new sleep schedule will work for our family.

Nap time today is going OK so far. Jordan tried to put him to sleep, but Zach got way to upset. I know you're not supposed to take over, but I just can't give over my control like that and listen to Zach cry when I know I can stop it. I know, I know, it's not what I should be doing, but I'm working on small baby steps!!

So now, I am praying that sleep just gets better and better. I know we will have minor setbacks and I am prepared for them. I am preparing myself to not give up, continue with our efforts and I know we will be rewarded.

I can do this! Zach can do this! We can be a healthy, loving, SLEEP-FILLED family!!!!

Weeks 25 - 28

My lil guy is growing up sooooo fast! I can't believe that he is over 6 months already!! He's sitting up on his own, eating solid food, rolling over like crazy and laughing up a storm! I love him so very much and love seeing him grow up!

Setbacks

Well today was not a good day food wise. I don't know what came over me, but I just did not think today while eating. I kept putting things in my mouth than 5 minutes later wondering what happened. Why did I do that? Why didn't I stop myself? I ate too much. BUT I did something I never do....I didn't just continue to eat crap, I didn't just stop caring and give up, I stopped, I reevaluated and I decided to make a change at the next meal. So for supper I had a slimfast, oranges and a cottage cheese. I changed my pace before I spiraled out of control. I caught myself. I never catch myself and start over.

I know this time will be different. I know I will have setbacks or days where I don't think about what I'm eating, but instead of giving up and just throwing in the towel and eating more crap, I will start over. I will accomplish my goals!

Just thank goodness weigh in isn't till Thursday!!! :)

Week 3

Well Week 3 is officially done and I am proud to say that I have now lost 10.6 pounds since I started Weight Watchers!!!! WOOHOO!!!!! I think I am actually going to be able to stick with this. I have not wanted to "cheat" very many times and when I just can't resist I eat a little snack and then I document it honestly. I have managed to stay inside my point value...in fact I find it hard to get all my points in some days. I am truly loving the weight watchers program!! It is so easy to follow, easy to use (as there is an app on my phone!) and I'm finally being honest with it!!!!

I was hoping to get at least 3-4 walks in this upcoming week as well, but I have come down with a nasty cold making it really hard to breath when I get my breath going....so until this darn cold goes away looks like I'm benched!! But I figure as long as I keep my food going well I should still be to lose weight!

So here's hoping week 4 is as successful as the past 3!! :)

Here is the collages for weeks 21 - 24...basically up to 6 months. I think I labeled stuff wrong but I wasn't quite sure how to label the pictures! Technically this isn't his 6 month shot, so is it month 5? Oh well, I guess I may have to re-do all of them! But anyways, here it is!

Papa

August has NOT been a good month for me. August has been terrible. On August 1st I lost my father. It is the most tragic thing that has happened to me so far in this life. My family is crushed, my mother is without her Love, I'm without my dear Papa and my brother is without his Dad. I will one day write the details, but I just can't yet.

We miss him so much and I still find myself tearing up daily thinking about my precious Daddy.

One thing I am thankful for....he got to meet his Grandson, Zachary. He was soooooo proud of that little boy, he loved him so very much! I now know why God allowed me to get pregnant when I did.

Well my brain isn't working so well tonight and I think I need to go to bed. I know this was an odd post and I will post more about my Dad, but this is all I can handle tonight.

Here is the picture that we had at his funeral. Still makes me cry...miss you so much Papa.

3-in-1

Well I forgot to post the 3, 4 and 5 month collages! Enjoy!!

p.s. if anyone knows how to fix pictures effectively on a blog please help a sister out!! i had no idea how to move them....

Week 2

Well week 2 is finished and didn't do so well this time. I went up 2.8 lbs. I didn't eat well, but I was walking so I guess food is truly 90% of it all. I stuck to my points though so I'm not entirely sure why I went up so dramatically.

I recommitted after my last weigh-in and have been doing well again. Here's hoping this week can be a better week.

Today wasn't the greatest eating since we traveled all day today. I didn't get to drink my water (for fear of always having to pee!) and I had Wendy's for lunch. I tracked my food, I was honest, I didn't hide my fast food outing at all. I stayed within my points. Tomorrow if I can get up the will I need to go grocery shopping and get everything I need. But first, I think I need to prepare a detailed menu plan and grocery list so that I don't go off balance again.

This is hard! I love food, I love eating, I love tasting. I know it's not about denying, but in moderation, but it has to be about denying to an extent. I have to deny myself fast food everyday, I have to deny myself the pleasure of eating chocolate as I was. Now, how I was eating wasn't healthy, wasn't right and wasn't good for me. But it was wonderful. I truly believe I am addicted to food. I know it's not an excuse and I'm not using it as one to keep eating. I am done being fat and I know exactly what to do to get it to leave. Now if that will power of mine would just make the commitment to me and stick around!!

Week One

Well here I sit. Week one is done. I lost 3.8 pounds by just managing my food. I did manage a walk one morning, but I forgot to bring my shoes to the Sault so I had some BIG blisters from my sandals. Now I have my shoes and am just waiting for the next moment to walk. I like walking in the morning because it is fresh, cooler and gets my day going. I am hoping for more morning walks when my sweet little son wakes me up oh so early!

So back to the 3.8...woohoo!!!!! I think it's great and I want it to keep going. We have had several meals that weren't the best because we were out. Also, how does ice cream become so appealing the moment I am trying to eat healthier?!?!?!? But, anyways, I want to keep up the loss so I will keep trying, I will keep making wise decisions and I will keep drinking my water!!!

Gotta keep going, gotta keep losing, gotta do it!!!!!!!!!

It's a new day!

It's a New Day...

Well here we are again. I am at my wits end. I'm done with being fat. I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. I want to be healthy for my son and future children, I want to look nice for my husband and most importantly I want to like my body!! So here we are again on my next weight loss journey.

I have joined Weight Watchers Online and am going to track my points. I have also started a slim fast program with my mom. I'm hoping that with the combination of the two, support from my mom and the fact that none of my jeans for fall/winter will fit me right now is reason enough!

I know I have started weight loss journeys before, stopped, started, stopped, started...but I AM DETERMINED this time!! I am done! I am done being fat, I am done turning sideways to squeeze through somewhere, I'm done seeing my fat arms in tank tops and having to stretch my tops so that my rolls fit. I AM DONE!

So if you see me, ask me how it's going. Ask me if I'm following my points. Ask me how I'm feeling.

So here's to making a life change and as the weight loss song by Jennifer Hudson goes... "It's a new day....and I'm feeling goooooooddd" :)

Two Months Old

Zachary's Birth Story

Well better late than never I always say...here is Zachary's birth story.

On March 8th, I had my regularly scheduled midwife appointment for week 40. When they checked my blood pressure I was a little high. They reccommended that I go into the hospital the next morning for a non-stress test (monitoring baby's heartbeat). I went in that day, was checked, wasn't dilated, wasn't progressed at all, but my blood pressure was still high. The OB on call didn't want to induce me that day for fear that it would send me for an emergency c-section so she put me on blood pressure pills and sent me home with instructions to come back in on Friday morning to be checked again.

Thankfully my mom arrived on Thursday evening so she was able to come with us on Friday morning and be my driver! So we went in at 8am to be checked and possibly induced (gelled). Zach's heart rate was still good, I was only dilated 1cm and he was still very high. However my blood pressure was still high, so the OB said why wait, it's my due date, let's induce. They inserted a gel onto my cervix to help soften and dilate. My midwife (Taryn) and the nurses warned me that it would cause some cramping more than likely. Cramping....UNDERSTATEMENT!!!

So after I was gelled they sent us home for a bit to relax and get some sleep. We did some running around in hopes that some walking would help it along. Cramping progressed and i did feel the occassional contraction. The pains were in my back quite a bit. We got home, had some lunch, I wasn't that hungry and I tried to lay down for a bit. I was rather uncomfortable and the cramps were quite regular so I didn't get much sleep. We headed back to the hospital around 3pm and if I was progressed enough we'd stay for labour or I could be sent home with another gel insert.

We arrived at the hospital, the nurses checked me and I was only still 1cm and not having regulary contractions. The OB wanted to gel me again and decided that I should stay at the hospital and be transferred to her care from the midwives. This meant that Taryn would still come for the delivery and care for the baby when he was born. So there goes another gel and man did the cramps pick up!

I felt like I was in hard labour -- even though every one of the nurses kept telling me I wasn't technically. We walked the halls, Jordan rubbed my back, I moaned and groaned in pain. At 10:00 that evening I was in a lot of pain and hoping I could get an epidural soon! My nurse (Darlene) said that I couldn't get an epidural till I was at least 3cm because it would stall what little labour I was in. Well when Darlene checked me to see how far along I was it was the most excrutiating thing ever...and the sad news...I was still only 1cm!!! I was praying right then and there for a c-section at that moment. I was done, I was tired, I was in mass amounts of pain, I was done! The Doctor came in, checked me and didn't want to give me a c-section. She wanted to see if I would progress on my own. She offered me morphine, the possibility of breaking my water during the night and then oxytocin in the morning to see what happened. I was crushed! I wanted to see my baby soon, I wanted to be out of the pain, I just wanted a c-section.

So I got the morphine shot. It felt like it did nothing. At this point it's midnight. I told my mom to go home and get some sleep since nothing may happen till morning and we'd call her if something happened sooner. We got moved into an observation room and Jordan was given a bed to lay down in and try to sleep. I couldn't lay down so I sat and rested in a rocking chair.

I dozed on and off and at 2:30 felt like that the morphine was wearing off so I asked for more. Darlene told me to empty my bladder and she'd check me again...maybe I could get an epidural instead of morphine! So I went to use the washroom, sat down, felt a huge pain, lots of pressure and I stood right up. Then my water broke. WOOHOO!! When this happened the contractions started hard and fast. Darlene checked me and i was 7 cm! I could finally get the epidural! So while Darlene set that up I was going through contractions every 30 seconds. Jordan's sweater got quite wrinkled from me grabbing on to him. But let me tell you, the contractions were much more manageable over the cramps!!!

After the epidural it was bliss!! I was able to rest for a bit, close my eyes and finally relax. However, the nurses could not keep a good track on the baby's heart beat. I think it was around 4:30am and they discovered that his heartbeat was continually dropping. I was 10cm dilated but his head was not dropping into my pelvis so the Doctor knew that pushing now would only drop his heartrate more. So guess what...they sent me for an emergency c-section! Wasn't this the exact same thing I wanted 6 hours ago!!!!

So at 5:00amish I was brought up to the OR. I layed there on the table with tears streaming out of my eyes knowing that I would soon have a great baby boy with me! I just kept saying to Jordan, we're gonna have a baby, we're gonna have a boy! It was all I could muster.

At 5:28am Zachary came into this world!

Professional Pictures

Shannon Vine Photography http://blog.shannonvine.com/ came by while we were in the Sault to take some great photos of our llittle ducky!!!! Here are just a few of the FANTASTIC shots!!!

Easter

It was Zach's first easter this past weekend...as it'll be his first EVERYTHING this year I wanna document it well!!! Here is his great photo with the easter bunny!!

Meeting Grandpa

My Dad was so excited to have his first grandchild. All of his siblings have grandchildren and some even have great-grandchildren!! Since my Dad has had his stroke and heart issues, he's grown a lot softer and gentler. He was so thrilled to get to meet his "little Willy" as he has grown accustomed to calling him.

One Month Old

Zach is one month old and here is the collection of photos from each week so far!!

Welcome Zachary!!!

Button Blue Baby Announcements

Personalized cards for babies, Valentines, Easter and Mother's Day.

View the entire collection of cards.

Our Big Arrival

He Is Here!!

We are so absolutely thrilled to announce the arrival of Zachary William Walker born on Saturday March 12, 2011 at 5:28am weighing 8lbs 13oz. Zachary was delivered by emergency c-section. I will make another post all about his birth story.

We are so absolutely over the moon with our little ducky!!

Week 39

WOW!! I can't believe I have made it this far! I honestly and truly never felt like this day would come! Although this pregnancy has seemed to fly by, it still seems so long to the unknown end.

I am a very anxious and impatient person. I like to know details, I like to plan, I like to prepare and MOST of all....I HATE SURPRISES!!! Surprises give me panic attacks, they make me cry when I don't know what is happening and can't prepare myself! I used to sneak through all of my Christmas gifts so I would know what I was expecting and it gave me comfort.

Well this little Dude living inside of me doesn't know this about me...or rather, he doesn't care! I know he will come at his own pace, I know he will come into this world when he is ready and it will be perfect. But dang-nab-it, I just wanna know when he will come!

I am so ready for him to come visit us for the rest of our lives. I am ready to be a Momma and to see my parents being Grandparents. I am ready to see how my husband handles being a Daddy.

So c'mon Little Ducky!!!!!! Make your way into our lives sooner than later so that we and your far -away Grandma get a good visit!!!